Time for a joke

The social club of The Greenhouse

Moderator: GH Moderators

User avatar
dubby
Don Furner
Posts: 33813
Joined: May 16, 2006, 12:14 pm
Favourite Player: Mal Meninga
Location: Albury

Re: Time for a joke

Post by dubby »

I have a step ladder at home.

I never knew my real ladder

Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

The spiral of silence refers to the idea that when people fail to speak, the price of speaking rises. As the price to speak rises, still fewer speak out, which further causes the price to rise, so that fewer people yet will speak out, until a whole culture or nation is silenced. This is what happened in Germany.

If you do not speak, you are not being neutral, but are contributing to the success of the thing you refuse to name and condemn.
User avatar
FuiFui BradBrad
Bradley Clyde
Posts: 8651
Joined: May 3, 2008, 10:23 pm
Favourite Player: Phil Graham
Location: Marsden Park

Re: Time for a joke

Post by FuiFui BradBrad »

Yesterday was International Joke Day. Some pearlers I rolled out to celebrate

What do you call a group of men waiting in line at a Hairdresser?
A Barberqueue

How do you get Pikachu on a Bus?
You poke him on

Why did the lettuce cross the road?
Cos

What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of a cave?
Camembert (Come on Bear)

What do you call a Tuna with a bow-tie?
Sofishticated

My wife threatened to leave me because I kept singing "Im a Believer" by the Monkees all day. I thought she was kidding at first, but then I saw her face...

My wife stopped talking to me because I wouldn't stop saying bird puns. I told her Toucan play at that game!

My wife's accused me of plagurising her jokes. Her words, not mine
Feel free to call me RickyRicky StickStick if you like. I will also accept Super Fui, King Brad, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate-Thunda... or Brad.

Nickman's love of NSW
  • NSW has done a superb job - 18/12/2020
  • NSW has been world-class with their approach to date, that's a fact. - 04/02/2021
User avatar
-PJ-
Mal Meninga
Posts: 24719
Joined: May 8, 2010, 1:58 pm
Favourite Player: Josh Papalii
Location: 416.9 km from GIO Stadium

Re: Time for a joke

Post by -PJ- »

Two prisoners sharing a cell-

Guy A- What are you in for ?
Guy B- Murdered 4 women, you ?
Guy A- My mask fell off in Aldi.
3rd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment..Old Faithful
#emptythetank :shock:
User avatar
dubby
Don Furner
Posts: 33813
Joined: May 16, 2006, 12:14 pm
Favourite Player: Mal Meninga
Location: Albury

Re: Time for a joke

Post by dubby »

I ate wookie meat yday.

It was Chewy

Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

The spiral of silence refers to the idea that when people fail to speak, the price of speaking rises. As the price to speak rises, still fewer speak out, which further causes the price to rise, so that fewer people yet will speak out, until a whole culture or nation is silenced. This is what happened in Germany.

If you do not speak, you are not being neutral, but are contributing to the success of the thing you refuse to name and condemn.
User avatar
-PJ-
Mal Meninga
Posts: 24719
Joined: May 8, 2010, 1:58 pm
Favourite Player: Josh Papalii
Location: 416.9 km from GIO Stadium

Re: Time for a joke

Post by -PJ- »

Good morning dubster, how’s it hanging ?
3rd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment..Old Faithful
#emptythetank :shock:
User avatar
dubby
Don Furner
Posts: 33813
Joined: May 16, 2006, 12:14 pm
Favourite Player: Mal Meninga
Location: Albury

Re: Time for a joke

Post by dubby »

Good mate.

I'm still in bed.

Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

The spiral of silence refers to the idea that when people fail to speak, the price of speaking rises. As the price to speak rises, still fewer speak out, which further causes the price to rise, so that fewer people yet will speak out, until a whole culture or nation is silenced. This is what happened in Germany.

If you do not speak, you are not being neutral, but are contributing to the success of the thing you refuse to name and condemn.
User avatar
-PJ-
Mal Meninga
Posts: 24719
Joined: May 8, 2010, 1:58 pm
Favourite Player: Josh Papalii
Location: 416.9 km from GIO Stadium

Re: Time for a joke

Post by -PJ- »

Ha..
Best joke ever.
3rd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment..Old Faithful
#emptythetank :shock:
Coastalraider
David Furner
Posts: 3857
Joined: May 31, 2015, 7:25 am
Favourite Player: Dean Lance

Re: Time for a joke

Post by Coastalraider »

Cracks me up every time.. love your work dubs :roflmao
Coastalraider
David Furner
Posts: 3857
Joined: May 31, 2015, 7:25 am
Favourite Player: Dean Lance

Re: Time for a joke

Post by Coastalraider »

Knock knock
User avatar
-PJ-
Mal Meninga
Posts: 24719
Joined: May 8, 2010, 1:58 pm
Favourite Player: Josh Papalii
Location: 416.9 km from GIO Stadium

Re: Time for a joke

Post by -PJ- »

Who’s there ?
3rd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment..Old Faithful
#emptythetank :shock:
User avatar
dubby
Don Furner
Posts: 33813
Joined: May 16, 2006, 12:14 pm
Favourite Player: Mal Meninga
Location: Albury

Re: Time for a joke

Post by dubby »

Boeing want to develop an invisible jet.

Can't see that taking off


Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

The spiral of silence refers to the idea that when people fail to speak, the price of speaking rises. As the price to speak rises, still fewer speak out, which further causes the price to rise, so that fewer people yet will speak out, until a whole culture or nation is silenced. This is what happened in Germany.

If you do not speak, you are not being neutral, but are contributing to the success of the thing you refuse to name and condemn.
Coastalraider
David Furner
Posts: 3857
Joined: May 31, 2015, 7:25 am
Favourite Player: Dean Lance

Re: Time for a joke

Post by Coastalraider »

-PJ- wrote: July 13, 2021, 10:43 am Who’s there ?
Europe.
User avatar
FuiFui BradBrad
Bradley Clyde
Posts: 8651
Joined: May 3, 2008, 10:23 pm
Favourite Player: Phil Graham
Location: Marsden Park

Re: Time for a joke

Post by FuiFui BradBrad »

The guy who wrote the Hokey Pokey died last week. The funeral lasted 5 hours.
They had to put the left foot in, put the left foot out...
Feel free to call me RickyRicky StickStick if you like. I will also accept Super Fui, King Brad, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate-Thunda... or Brad.

Nickman's love of NSW
  • NSW has done a superb job - 18/12/2020
  • NSW has been world-class with their approach to date, that's a fact. - 04/02/2021
User avatar
dubby
Don Furner
Posts: 33813
Joined: May 16, 2006, 12:14 pm
Favourite Player: Mal Meninga
Location: Albury

Re: Time for a joke

Post by dubby »

I have a fear of roundabouts.

But I think I've turned a corner

Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

The spiral of silence refers to the idea that when people fail to speak, the price of speaking rises. As the price to speak rises, still fewer speak out, which further causes the price to rise, so that fewer people yet will speak out, until a whole culture or nation is silenced. This is what happened in Germany.

If you do not speak, you are not being neutral, but are contributing to the success of the thing you refuse to name and condemn.
User avatar
-PJ-
Mal Meninga
Posts: 24719
Joined: May 8, 2010, 1:58 pm
Favourite Player: Josh Papalii
Location: 416.9 km from GIO Stadium

Re: Time for a joke

Post by -PJ- »

KPs mixed tape.

Gimme Gimme Gimme ( A man after midnight ).. ABBA
Back door man..The Doors
Man ( I feel like a woman)..Shania Twain
I want that man..Deborah Harry
Better man..Pearl Jam
I’m your man..Wham
Missionary man..Euryrthmics
Whatta man..Salt n Pepa
3rd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment..Old Faithful
#emptythetank :shock:
User avatar
-PJ-
Mal Meninga
Posts: 24719
Joined: May 8, 2010, 1:58 pm
Favourite Player: Josh Papalii
Location: 416.9 km from GIO Stadium

Re: Time for a joke

Post by -PJ- »

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband with a fly squatter.

Woman- What are you doing ?
Husband- What does it look like I’m doing ? I’m killing flies.
Woman- Had any luck ?
Husband- 5 confirmed dead so far, 3 males and 2 females.
Woman- How can you tell them apart ?
Husband- 3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.
3rd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment..Old Faithful
#emptythetank :shock:
User avatar
Azza
Laurie Daley
Posts: 10526
Joined: February 16, 2005, 10:12 am

Re: Time for a joke

Post by Azza »

The Canberra Raiders.
The Nickman
Mal Meninga
Posts: 51011
Joined: June 25, 2012, 9:53 am
Favourite Player: Hodgo
Location: Rockhampton, Central Queensland

Re: Time for a joke

Post by The Nickman »

Azza wrote:The Canberra Raiders.
Ahahahahahahahaha that’s a good one, Az
User avatar
-PJ-
Mal Meninga
Posts: 24719
Joined: May 8, 2010, 1:58 pm
Favourite Player: Josh Papalii
Location: 416.9 km from GIO Stadium

Re: Time for a joke

Post by -PJ- »

My mother always said..” you’re not the dumbest walking this earth but let’s hope and prey that guy doesn’t die”
3rd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment..Old Faithful
#emptythetank :shock:
The Nickman
Mal Meninga
Posts: 51011
Joined: June 25, 2012, 9:53 am
Favourite Player: Hodgo
Location: Rockhampton, Central Queensland

Re: Time for a joke

Post by The Nickman »

-PJ- wrote:My mother always said..” you’re not the dumbest walking this earth but let’s hope and prey that guy doesn’t die”
Hahaha that took me a second, that’s good.
User avatar
FuiFui BradBrad
Bradley Clyde
Posts: 8651
Joined: May 3, 2008, 10:23 pm
Favourite Player: Phil Graham
Location: Marsden Park

Re: Time for a joke

Post by FuiFui BradBrad »

What do you call a group of men waiting in line at a hairdresser?

A barberqueue
Feel free to call me RickyRicky StickStick if you like. I will also accept Super Fui, King Brad, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate-Thunda... or Brad.

Nickman's love of NSW
  • NSW has done a superb job - 18/12/2020
  • NSW has been world-class with their approach to date, that's a fact. - 04/02/2021
User avatar
gangrenous
Laurie Daley
Posts: 16586
Joined: May 12, 2007, 10:42 pm

Re: Time for a joke

Post by gangrenous »

What do you call a group of men waiting in line a kilometre away?

A far queue
User avatar
-PJ-
Mal Meninga
Posts: 24719
Joined: May 8, 2010, 1:58 pm
Favourite Player: Josh Papalii
Location: 416.9 km from GIO Stadium

Re: Time for a joke

Post by -PJ- »

Fuifui Bradbrad wrote: June 12, 2023, 8:10 pm What do you call a group of men waiting in line at a hairdresser?

A barberqueue
Hey Fui, you rolled out this very same joke on this very page ^^^^^^^^^

You need new material mate..
3rd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment..Old Faithful
#emptythetank :shock:
User avatar
FuiFui BradBrad
Bradley Clyde
Posts: 8651
Joined: May 3, 2008, 10:23 pm
Favourite Player: Phil Graham
Location: Marsden Park

Time for a joke

Post by FuiFui BradBrad »

Haha so I did!
All this time, it’s still a classic.

Ok how about this one. Swedish Navy are looking to add barcodes to the side of their ships.

They find it more efficient to scan da navy in.
Feel free to call me RickyRicky StickStick if you like. I will also accept Super Fui, King Brad, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate-Thunda... or Brad.

Nickman's love of NSW
  • NSW has done a superb job - 18/12/2020
  • NSW has been world-class with their approach to date, that's a fact. - 04/02/2021
User avatar
gangrenous
Laurie Daley
Posts: 16586
Joined: May 12, 2007, 10:42 pm

Time for a joke

Post by gangrenous »

Since we’re recycling our queue jokes. Here’s one from 2018:
gangrenous wrote:
Haikus with Gangers: Bonus Things That Sound Like Haikus

Now we all know T_R has something against my Haikus. Some say it’s because he’s learned, well versed in Japanese culture, and recognises a kireji when he sees one.

But gangers thinks maybe he’s just getting mixed up with things that sound similar. So being the helpful guy I am, I’ve compiled a list of things that T_R might be confusing my poetry for. Is it one of these T_R?

Centrelink line - High Queue
Intelligence - High IQ
Start walking signal - Hike cue
Walking command - Hike you
Hello Militia - Hi Coup Image
Borrow pool table - Hire Cue
4 dimensional figure - Hypercube
Tanner - Hide curer
It’s good to be in Melbourne - Hi Kew
Close eyes and count to 10 - Hide cue
User avatar
FuiFui BradBrad
Bradley Clyde
Posts: 8651
Joined: May 3, 2008, 10:23 pm
Favourite Player: Phil Graham
Location: Marsden Park

Re: Time for a joke

Post by FuiFui BradBrad »

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar.

The bartender says "Oh, not you two again!"
Feel free to call me RickyRicky StickStick if you like. I will also accept Super Fui, King Brad, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate-Thunda... or Brad.

Nickman's love of NSW
  • NSW has done a superb job - 18/12/2020
  • NSW has been world-class with their approach to date, that's a fact. - 04/02/2021
User avatar
Botman
Mal Meninga
Posts: 41997
Joined: June 18, 2013, 4:31 pm
Favourite Player: Elliott Whitehead

Re: Time for a joke

Post by Botman »

3 guys are sitting around a table thinking of ways they can get into the guinness book of world records

The first guy says "You know what, im actually really fast. I might be the fastest guy in the world"
So he goes out outside, times his 100m and sends it off to the guinness book of world records.

The second guy says "Im really tall, i might be the tallest man in the world"
So he goes and gets a tape measure, measures himself up takes some photos and sends it off to guinness book of world records

The third guy says "i have a really small ****. In fact i might have the smallest **** in the world!"
So he too gets the tape measure, measures himself up, takes a photo and sends it off to the guinness book of world records

3 weeks later they all get their letters back
First guy opens his letter and errupts in cheers "I cant beleive it, im the fastest guy in the world! Im in the record books"
Second guy opens his letter and yell "im in too! I am officially the tallest man in the world!"
The third guy opens his letter up and reads it, he's so angry he scrunches his letter up and say "Who the hell is Fuifui Bradbrad?!?"
User avatar
gangrenous
Laurie Daley
Posts: 16586
Joined: May 12, 2007, 10:42 pm

Re: Time for a joke

Post by gangrenous »

Image
User avatar
dubby
Don Furner
Posts: 33813
Joined: May 16, 2006, 12:14 pm
Favourite Player: Mal Meninga
Location: Albury

Re: Time for a joke

Post by dubby »

🤣🤣🤣
The spiral of silence refers to the idea that when people fail to speak, the price of speaking rises. As the price to speak rises, still fewer speak out, which further causes the price to rise, so that fewer people yet will speak out, until a whole culture or nation is silenced. This is what happened in Germany.

If you do not speak, you are not being neutral, but are contributing to the success of the thing you refuse to name and condemn.
User avatar
FuiFui BradBrad
Bradley Clyde
Posts: 8651
Joined: May 3, 2008, 10:23 pm
Favourite Player: Phil Graham
Location: Marsden Park

Re: Time for a joke

Post by FuiFui BradBrad »

Speechless. Cant even come up with a comeback because that was good lol
Feel free to call me RickyRicky StickStick if you like. I will also accept Super Fui, King Brad, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate-Thunda... or Brad.

Nickman's love of NSW
  • NSW has done a superb job - 18/12/2020
  • NSW has been world-class with their approach to date, that's a fact. - 04/02/2021
User avatar
T_R
Don Furner
Posts: 17276
Joined: August 4, 2006, 9:41 am
Location: Noosa

Re: Time for a joke

Post by T_R »

gangrenous wrote:Since we’re recycling our queue jokes. Here’s one from 2018:
gangrenous wrote:
Haikus with Gangers: Bonus Things That Sound Like Haikus

Now we all know T_R has something against my Haikus. Some say it’s because he’s learned, well versed in Japanese culture, and recognises a kireji when he sees one.

But gangers thinks maybe he’s just getting mixed up with things that sound similar. So being the helpful guy I am, I’ve compiled a list of things that T_R might be confusing my poetry for. Is it one of these T_R?

Centrelink line - High Queue
Intelligence - High IQ
Start walking signal - Hike cue
Walking command - Hike you
Hello Militia - Hi Coup Image
Borrow pool table - Hire Cue
4 dimensional figure - Hypercube
Tanner - Hide curer
It’s good to be in Melbourne - Hi Kew
Close eyes and count to 10 - Hide cue
Funniest part of that post is that you think what you write are haiku.

Sent from my SM-G998B using Tapatalk

Image

Son, we live in a world that has forums, and those forums have to be guarded by Mods. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Nickman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Lucy, and you curse GE. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know -- that GE’s moderation, while tragic, probably saved lives; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, keeps threads on track and under the appropriately sized, highlighted green headings.
You want moderation because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that forum -- you need me on that forum. We use words like "stay on topic," "use the appropriate forum," "please delete." We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very moderation that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather that you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you get a green handle and edit a post. Either way, I don't give a DAMN what you think about moderation.
User avatar
gangrenous
Laurie Daley
Posts: 16586
Joined: May 12, 2007, 10:42 pm

Time for a joke

Post by gangrenous »

What was in the water last night? Brutality left and right.

Where’s the love?
User avatar
-PJ-
Mal Meninga
Posts: 24719
Joined: May 8, 2010, 1:58 pm
Favourite Player: Josh Papalii
Location: 416.9 km from GIO Stadium

Re: Time for a joke

Post by -PJ- »

Botman wrote: August 3, 2023, 6:06 pm 3 guys are sitting around a table thinking of ways they can get into the guinness book of world records

The first guy says "You know what, im actually really fast. I might be the fastest guy in the world"
So he goes out outside, times his 100m and sends it off to the guinness book of world records.

The second guy says "Im really tall, i might be the tallest man in the world"
So he goes and gets a tape measure, measures himself up takes some photos and sends it off to guinness book of world records

The third guy says "i have a really small ****. In fact i might have the smallest **** in the world!"
So he too gets the tape measure, measures himself up, takes a photo and sends it off to the guinness book of world records

3 weeks later they all get their letters back
First guy opens his letter and errupts in cheers "I cant beleive it, im the fastest guy in the world! Im in the record books"
Second guy opens his letter and yell "im in too! I am officially the tallest man in the world!"
The third guy opens his letter up and reads it, he's so angry he scrunches his letter up and say "Who the hell is Fuifui Bradbrad?!?"
Far out Bot, thats gold !!!!
3rd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment..Old Faithful
#emptythetank :shock:
User avatar
dubby
Don Furner
Posts: 33813
Joined: May 16, 2006, 12:14 pm
Favourite Player: Mal Meninga
Location: Albury

Re: Time for a joke

Post by dubby »

A guy goes to a library and asks the librarian if they have any books on turtles.

She said, sure. In hardback?

He said, yeah. And little heads.
The spiral of silence refers to the idea that when people fail to speak, the price of speaking rises. As the price to speak rises, still fewer speak out, which further causes the price to rise, so that fewer people yet will speak out, until a whole culture or nation is silenced. This is what happened in Germany.

If you do not speak, you are not being neutral, but are contributing to the success of the thing you refuse to name and condemn.
User avatar
T_R
Don Furner
Posts: 17276
Joined: August 4, 2006, 9:41 am
Location: Noosa

Re: Time for a joke

Post by T_R »

gangrenous wrote:What was in the water last night? Brutality left and right.

Where’s the love? Image
Image

Sent from my SM-G998B using Tapatalk

Image

Son, we live in a world that has forums, and those forums have to be guarded by Mods. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Nickman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Lucy, and you curse GE. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know -- that GE’s moderation, while tragic, probably saved lives; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, keeps threads on track and under the appropriately sized, highlighted green headings.
You want moderation because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that forum -- you need me on that forum. We use words like "stay on topic," "use the appropriate forum," "please delete." We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very moderation that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather that you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you get a green handle and edit a post. Either way, I don't give a DAMN what you think about moderation.
Post Reply